Womb for more: a solution to the carnage that is IVF

Lindsay has come up with a novel way to address all those poor unimplanted embryos laying to waste in liquid nitrogen at fertility clinics around the country: implantation in wombs of currently unoccupied uteruses of females.

In order for this program to work most efficiently and produce the highest yield of children we will have to make some changes in laws/guidelines in the medical monitoring of the female population, fertility treatment and HIPAA (to remove certain aspects of privacy regarding personal health information). First and foremost, all new harvesting and fertilization of ova must stop effective immediately; the state needs to obtain an accurate census of available embryos to determine how many uteruses need to be drafted for implantation. Parental rights to all unimplanted embryos are terminated effective immediatley regardless of the wishes of the biological parents; all embryos are wards of the state until they are born.

Embryos will be disseminated for adoption as follows:

1. Any woman currently in the midst of fertlity treatment that does not already have pre-born children pending implantation will be an immediate recipient of 2 donor blastocysts; she will continue to undergo implantation cycles (2 blastocysts/cycle) until she has at least one successful pregnancy resulting in live birth
   
2. Any childless adult woman who has an intact uterus will begin hormone treatments in preparation for implantation while the women from group 1 above are going through initial implantation cycles. When clinics are available to start a second round of implantation, each of these women will undergo implantation of 2 blastocysts with repeated cycles until at least 1 live birth has occurred
   
3. If there are unborn children available for implantation after initial cycles of groups 1 and 2, adolescent females who've experienced onset of menarche will undergo hormone treatment followed by implantation of 1 blastocyst/cycle

The above cycles will continue until all embryos are implanted. All embryos are to be given the opportunity for implantation regardless of quality, results of pre-implantation testing and/or likelihood of successful outcome.

IVF, contraception, pre-natal testing and abortion are banned effective immediately (caveat: abortion will be allowed only in the event of ectopic pregnancy in which neither the child nor mother would survive). The following measures will be put in place to ensure sexual morality laws are not broken and/or to ensure that when broken, the transgression does not go undetected:

• Children born as a result of the embryo adoption program will be monitored to ensure they do not become romantically involved/procreate with a primary biological relative (incest is an abomination)
• Pre-pubescent females will be monitored annually until they reach Tanner Stage 1, at which point in time they will be monitored quarterly until onset of menarche
  
• All females of child-bearing potential (from onset of menarche through 1 year post diagnosis of menopause) will undergo monthly testing for sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy
• females who leave the country will require a negative pregnancy test the day of scheduled departure; those who have a positive pregnancy test will not be permitted to leave the country until the pregnancy is resolved
• any miscarriage occuring in a female who tried to leave the country during her pregnancy will be treated as suspect requiring an investigation to determine if an illegal abortion was obtained

Tags: wingnuttery; contraception; abortion; reproductive rights; fundamentalism; privacy;IVF

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